The Second Trimester

While the first trimester was the hardest physically, I feel like the second took more of an emotional toll on me.

You can read about the first trimester *here* , and *here* are some tips on how to deal with morning sickness.

I felt like I couldn't process anything, but yet at the same time I couldn't stop thinking either. There were so many different thoughts and emotions swimming around in my head, and some of them seemed almost like they were arguing with each other. I generally tend to keep a lot of my feelings  inside, or at least I try to. It had really been building up though,

There was so much that I wanted to say, but either didn't or literally couldn't find the words. It's really a time when you have so many hormones in your body that what you say might not be what you mean. Or when you're irrationally upset by the fact that there's no cookies left.

I wasn't  about to go whining the situation that I very clearly allowed my SELF to get in to, because I believe you should stand up to your obligations and responsibilities and deal with the consequences of your actions.

I just kept my mouth shut, for most of  it. Instead I wrote what I felt inside, which goes something like this;

'In less than 5 months this little baby inside of me will be in my arms, and I'll be responsible for SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE. It's kind of a lot for me to comprehend the fact that I'll be the caregiver to a tiny person who can do nothing for themselves and who will grow up depending on how I mold them in their early years of life. I sure as heck don't want it to grow up to be me! I'm selfish and as I've come to realize I have a lot about myself that I still need to develop, let alone another person,'


'I can cry at the drop of a hat right now, what with the hormones and all - I mean I have so many feelings coursing through me right now it's insane, and I kind of feel like nobody told me this is how it would be when I signed up for this.'


'I have this resentment and guilt towards R that I hate myself for. It's not fair that he doesn't have to change anything and meanwhile my diet, body, mood and entire life has to change.'


It was a really transitional point in my life where I didn't nearly  feel ready for the task ahead, but I wished that my baby would hurry up and come already, so I could deal with it instead of worrying about it. I mean I'm one of those Type A planners and it niggled at me that there were so many unknowns.

I still feel like that - I think that we can adapt to anything though, so I'm not exactly scared - but apprehensive to be able to get adjusted to life with a new baby.

I also feel like I've gotten over the overly emotional part too, and the resentment I had towards Richard, because I realized how ridiculous I was being, and how miserable I was making myself telling myself things like:

• he doesn't have to get fat
• he doesn't have to get all this hormonal acne
•  he can eat whatever he damn wants and drink whatever he damn wants meanwhile I have to eat  healthier and even when I don't feel like it.
• he can drink beer and energy drinks
• he can lay on his freaking stomach if he wants to.

I know I know it was childish, but we all have our moments.

I kind of really wasn't prepared for how under-appreciated I'd feel, and how tired I'd be. Or for how much stuff you have to buy and how expensive it can be. I wasn't expecting I'd outgrow about 70% of my wardrobe in the space of like 2 weeks either.

I also didn't think that it could hurt like hell when the baby kicks and take my breath away when it moves instead of it being all cute like in movies, or that the baby would super active until anyone else tries to feel it.

Little did I know that I'd have to take my clothes off at doctor visits - at this point way more medical staff have seen me naked than I'm comfortable with, but whatever. It also is realllllyy mortifiying when you have a young HOT male doctor doing a vaginal exam on you.. just FYI.

I also wasn't expecting to love my baby SO much when I've never even met him/her yet. I mean it's all completely worth it to bring another life into this world. I mean it's pretty darned amazing what the female body ... MY body can do, and I guess that makes me feel pretty special (if a little huge). I  never thought I’d worry so much when I felt less movement after being admitted to the hospital with a kidney infection. How hard I’d pray when they told me that it’s heartbeat was slow. How I’d beg my baby to kick me even if it hurt me just to let me know that it was alright. That was the scariest week of my life so far.

I'm was, and still am anxious to see my baby, find out it's gender and settle on a name, hold it in my arms and get back to actually being able to do a hardcore workout.

I'm putting a lot of faith in God at this time.. more than I thought I would need to before this all happened but I believe that he's given me a blessing and that having this baby will allow me to find contentment, grow and to be a better person. I believe now that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle and whilst my little peanut was somewhat unexpected/unplanned that it's come at exactly the right time and for a purpose.

For those of you that have been pregnant before, what was the second trimester like for you?