The Grass Is Greener Where You Water It

Hi i'm aubrey from dreaming about someday. I'm happy to be taking over the blog today.
Life is kind of funny sometimes. Most of us have some kind of idea about how we want life to go. We have plans and hopes and dreams for the future, BUT life rarely goes the way we plan. Life throws curve balls and kinks into our plans. It's so easy to look at other people and think their lives are going exactly the way we want our lives to go. 
It's easy to look over and think the grass is so much greener over there. It's so easy to think of the what ifs and if onlys. The big problem is: that's so dangerous. Comparison is awful! Even if were possible to switch lives with someone, we wouldn't find the grass to be completely green. 
We're all familiar with the expression "the grass is always greener on the other side". so often that seems true. i actually prefer a different but similar expression...

the grass is greener where you water it. *click to tweet*
Like most other people, my life isn't turning out at all how I thought it would, but at the same time it is turning out so much better than I ever planned. I've come to realize, when I nurture and water the life I've been given - rather than lust after the life that I want that it is so much greener than i could have ever imagined.
Thanks so much for having me Jenny. 
You can come find me on social media or on the blog: aubreyzaruba.com) and follow along as I attempt to water my own grass.

Following Your Dreams When It Gets Hard

One of the things about dreams is that they’re usually not easy. They seem all warm and lovely and shiny when we think of them, but pursuing them is a whole other side of the story. When you’re pursuing your dreams and you’re stressed, worn out and not seeing any real results it can be REALLY hard to push yourself to keep going. We've ALL been there.

‘your dreams are ball-busters; they’re not the yellow brick road’ - Kelly Cutrone.

Dreams aren't meant to be easy

Your dreams are meant to intimidate you, scare you and at the same time make you want to pursue them all the more. If your dreams don’t do that, then sweetheart; you’re not dreaming big enough. Your dreams aren't supposed to fit in a neat little package that you can tie with a pretty ribbon.

 If your dreams don’t challenge you, you’re never going to grow as a person.

Pick your ass up off the floor and try again

Okay, so you've hit a road-bump while you’re driving towards your goal. Are you gonna allow yourself to get stuck in a stupid little pot-hole when you could  keep going?
Maybe that business you were so passionate about isn’t bringing in the sales you thought it would. Should you give up? Sure as hell not! 

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts

 - Winston Churchill.

Failing doesn't mean that you’re finished with your goal, it means you learned something the hard way. EVERY experience is valuable.

Visualize your end result

The thought of one day being a successful writer, or a surgeon or for some people even a mom is what makes a fire of passion burn in their belly. Don’t forget and let that flame in your belly go out when you’re past the dreaming and into the doing stage. 

One of the most important things when you’re trying to achieve a goal is how it will make you feel when you finally get what you wanted. Keep visualizing that end point and don’t let go of it.

Know When It’s Time to Let Go:

While I don’t advocate giving up on your dreams, I do advocate that you re-assess them. At least once a year you need to be sitting down with yourself and getting your ‘ish straightened out. Are the goals you had as a teenager still relevant when you’re a 30 year old mom of 2? Most likely not. 

Make sure that all of your goals still apply to your life and will be BENEFICIAL to you. We’re not here just to do things so we can say we did them!

In the comments I want you to share one of those goals that really make you giddy when you think about it. I also want you to tell me what the hell you’re doing to achieve it too! 

You can do this.

3 Reasons You Should Be More Positive Right Now

Before you get all cynical about having a positive attitude; ask yourself a question -Did being pessimistic ever make a bad situation better?

While I do believe in assessing a situation and taking note of  both the good and the bad aspects, I don't believe that expecting the worst is the helpful to anyone. Here is why you should always remain positive and my top tips on how to do that!

How Positive Thinking Can Change Your Life:

- Reduce Anxiety

- Reduce Depression and Lessen thoughts of suicide

- Improve Productivity

3 Reasons You Should Be Positive;

- You're alive: Even if you wish you weren't right now, you're alive and life is a gift. 

- There's beauty ALL around you: if you think life's all grey then you're simply not looking hard enough.

- It can only get better: whatever your situation is, you can always improve it in some small way. If you're at rock bottom the only way you can go is up.

How to Maintain Your Positive Attitude in Negative Times

- Choose 5 of your favorite positive mantras that really speak to you. Write them on post-its, display them as your phone lock screen, your desktop background and write it A LOT. I personally like to keep a pinterest board of motivating quotes , I choose my favorites and rotate them as my desktop backgrounds.

- Take up a hobby such as running or yoga that helps you to clear your head of all negativity and focus on your breathing. Also if you feel stressed practice deep breathing ( it helps!)

- Journal; Writing your feelings down can really help you assess them; It gives you perspective. You can really see what emotions you were having at any given time and work through them.

-Surround yourself with positive people: If you surround yourself with people who feed you with negative comments then it can be a real damper on your mood. Surrounding yourself with people who encourage you and make you feel positive and happy about yourself is a sure-fire way to keep up a good mood.

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How to Deal With Anxiety & Panic Disorders

Today's Post is a Guest Post by Alyssa of Sincerely, Alaska

Here is something about me that most of my readers do not know: I suffer from anxiety and a panic disorder. This is a pretty common thing to be diagnosed with but it can also be incredibly difficult. I want to share with you some information on the disorder and my own life with it. That way, if you or a friend/family member/significant other are also suffering from anxiety or panic, this can help! 

 Now, everyone gets some anxiety at some point in their life. Sometimes it's before a final exam, a job interview, getting married, or going into a new social setting. Typically, that anxiety fades once you realize that the situation is safe and good. You can even go have fun. You can be yourself.

An anxiety disorder is different. This is where you suffer from anxious feelings (either on a regular basis -- or in special situations like large crowds) but they don't fade. They intensify and can leave you jittery and terrified of whatever your situation is. The fear that comes with an anxiety disorder is usually overwhelming and it feels like your being hit in the gut with a baseball bat. Your mind goes into overdrive. For me, my vision will blur and it will be increasingly difficult to stand. I've collapsed a few times.

So...what happens when all the horrid feelings keep worsening? They become a panic attack.

Panic attacks are attacks of anxiety, fear, and/or terror. They can show up because you were under a large amount of stress, you were in an unfamiliar place, or because it just had nothing better to do. Thankfully, they tend to last up to about 20 minutes. Unfortunately, they can come in series. There have been nights where I will have one, a break, another, a break, and then another before passing out. They come with a good list of physically symptoms: sweating, heart racing, rapid/unsteady breathing, light-headedness, weakness in limbs, etc. Your mind is also a sufferer from the attacks. Thoughts of helplessness and "going insane" are very common. 

If you suffer from panic attacks, they do make prescription "sedatives" that are specific to panic/anxiety disorders. I have a little case of Clonazepam that will help shut down the attack within about 5 minutes of taking them. However, these are typically pretty strong and you are advised to stay away from driving or operating anything at all. Always go to your Doctor for advice on medication for any disorder. 

This is the question I receive most from people who are with me when my anxiety soars or a panic attack sets in. The problem with this though, is that when they ask, I'm already in a state that doesn't allow me to form any coherent sentences or even fully understand what is being asked. This is awful for both parties. I can't tell you how much it's killed me to see how helpless the Boyfriend looked when he first started seeing me during my attacks. BUT, there are things you can do to help someone who is panicking. 

1. Do not tell them to calm down. Anyone who is stuck in a panic attack is already internally searching for a way to calm down. Simply telling them to do it and then watching is far from helpful. 

2. Softly, and consistently, remind them that they are SAFE.

3. Hold their hand and squeeze while you take deep breaths. This helps get them back into the right rhythm of breathing and out of hyperventilation mode. 

4. Don't leave. They need comfort and you are providing that. Stay. 

5. If you and the person having the attack are in a public place (and that place is a possible cause of the attack), go somewhere quiet and mellow. Fresh air can help greatly. Loud noises, harsh lights, and large crowds are fuel for a panic attack. 

6. Be patient. They are trying and sometimes, all they can do is just wait it out. Wait with them. 

I was officially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and a panic disorder last fall. I started actually experiencing the attacks when I was in high school. They were rare and mild. Last March is when they became a very regular thing for me. I had just started dating a guy I worked with and he was my first boyfriend. I was under stress from that and then some really unhealthy things happened in our relationship that put me in a place that I would have attacks at least 2-3 times a week. 

I started college and moved onto campus. Then I started experiencing crying spells and waves of terror. This happened every single day, except one, for 7 weeks. Professors would give me sympathetic looks when they saw me silently crying in class because I felt like I was drowning in stress and terror.  

It got to a point that I would try and scratch my self hard enough to leave marks or I would rip hair out which resulted in having to be held down during the more intense attacks. When my Ex and I broke up, they lightened for a few weeks and then worsened. I started dating my current boyfriend and they got out of control. He would simply touch my shoulder and I would spiral out. 

Eventually, I ended up in the hospital from trying to self-harm in the spring and that's when my mom got me medical help. My medications were changed and others were added. Honestly, even though the experience was absolutely terrifying, I'm glad it happened because it got me the help I wouldn't ask for. 

I still have them and the symptoms are still about the same but I have a much better grasp on what is happening and what to do during them. It's a hard thing to deal with but it isn't impossible. Plus I have a support group of the Boyfriend, friends, and my momma who all know how to handle them. 

Beside the items listed above, I want to share with you some things that I have learned about Panic Attacks and Anxiety in the period of time that I've been living with it. 

1. Remind yourself that you are not dying. You are going to be okay. This is normal. It will pass. 

2. Repeat # 1 as many times as you need. 

3. As stated above, remove yourself from the situation or person that has caused you to panic. If you don't feel physically able to do this, ask a friend to help. 

4. Try to regulate your breathing. In through the nose / count to 5 / out through the mouth. Repeat. Repeat. 

5. Water. Just make sure you get a glass when the attack has finished. 

6. Do not drive. I do not care what you say but if you are in the midst of having an attack, please do not get behind the wheel. It took me a long time to realize this and it took some tough love from the Boyfriend to stop being stubborn and just stay at his house instead of endangering myself and others. 

7. Don't let stress build up in your system. Get a journal. Get a set of paints. Learn to swing dance. Buy some good video games. Take a bubble bath. Make a playlist of calming music. Anything that helps you rid your self of the stress. 

4. Do seek help. I know doctors and psychiatrists can be really intimidating but they know what's happening to you and they can help. Take the plunge and let them know you need them. 

It's going to be a rough ride but it will be worth it in the end. As the beautiful John Green wrote: "We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken." You and I, we will come out of this. We will be OK. Don't ever forget that. Don't ever loose hope. You are radiant.